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i used to hate this holiday
counted only punishment and inventoried sins
this year
i know
i must eat
last time the gates were open
i apologized to my body
using holy fast to train my stomach
learning to run on empty
drinking liters of essenced water
chewing watermelon gum to satisfy my tongue
the longer i went, the harder it was
to come inside
to fill the void
this year
i vow to be more tender
another snot-nose amidah
i know god hears me in all moments
but ritual can transform us