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When did healing become defined by flirty, fragrant complicated smells
floral, fruity, and musky scents
Cause it’s not.
Sleeping in a bed of tears
And snot filled tissues
New medications purged into a bowl of shit
Full of regret
You were certain that healed on your trip to the motherland
Reliving traumas cause the therapist told you so
Seeing it on paper only makes it feel real
“Isn’t this counterproductive” You ask.
“You are safe here”
Wondering how that feels
Psychiatrist #8 seemed promising
Besides the fact that she seemed like she was on something
Luring clients in with whimsical trust
Highly interactive meds and ditz
Certainly taught me a lesson I will never repeat
First came the dizziness, then came warm skin to cold wood floors
Fighting for my life one stool at a time
My body desperately releasing toxins
These toxins should of came with a warning
One thing the satan and stink bombs have in common
Wishfully dreaming of waking up to good morning texts from the lipstick lover who left me besotted
Instead it was a car crash on your inhale
Throwing out the alarm and closets of clothing like Angela taught me
Panic attacks proving to be more consistent than the average friend
Eventually creating refuge as I exhaled
Therapists
Boofin breath and cavities
Mother wondering when you last brushed your teeth
Old laundry turned into fragrance
Despair turned into perfume
Worry turned into cologne
Topped with 3 sprays of the Dolce & Gabbana light blue
not knowing how long this episode will last
Living in a world where paychecks are smaller than the 1.6 ounce bottle I consecrated
Attempting to mask anxiety sweat
with natural deodorant never works
Rescheduled wash days under wigs and berets
With no plans insight
Handing out empty promises to yourself
Just like dating your past lover
Consumed minds
forget to eat meals
serve fleeting happiness on boxed plates
Sugar cookies for dinner
Detoxing the next day
Imagining the battle of conquest between vitamins, brain fog and constipation in your body
Deja vu like the WWF episodes you used to watch with your brother before the days of parental control
You writhed in realization that the invaders have squatter rights
For now, I must abandon my love for dairy
Night terrors permeating hopes of a brighter day
In exchange for a better life, I discover
Healing is the aroma
Sourcing manure in fertilizer provides nutrients for seeds to grow
Be sure to seal in the nutrients with a wet soak so your seedling can bloom
You’ll be grateful when the fertilizer aroma passes and you can smell the roses and your
clean armpits too
oo Oo ooo