Insatiable Rage

disregard the fear in my eyes for i refuse to stand down
symphonies of rage sing in my ears demanding redemption for the murder of the kid i was supposed to be
head my warning: i am not scared of you,
i am scared that my hands may hold the capabilities of violence i was once subjected to
a reign of terror i’m not confident i can stop
destroy or be destroyed is a lesson you taught
i chose the deconstruction of my identity over your accountability
you bought my loyalty with manipulation
a false sense of security and a lack of bodily autonomy
my truth was your biggest fear
ripped out of my throat with the brutality of every abuser before you
infecting bloodlines with an insatiable hunger to inflict the damage inflicted upon them
wounds with the potential of healing,
paired with the denial to wrap your bloodied heart in bandages
nurturing an avoidable infection
leading to the inevitable death of the kindness i used to see in you
we grew up in the same brittle home,
yet the cruelty seemed to have embedded itself in your bones
and you carved your initials into mine,
claiming ownership over a person you saw as a means to your end
years later and i’m still trapped in the memory
if honesty is a virtue then i must be the biggest sinner of all
lies corrode my vocal chords making it impossible to speak sincerely
automatically protecting the blood tie i once held above all others